Sad, Sad Day

Well, I had to spend a night which should've been full of joy fighting back tears. It was the opening night of my schools big play, also the night of my best friends bday party, which made me really sad that i had to miss it. I texted her saying for her to have fun and eat cake for me. Still haven't gotten a response or any kind of good luck from either of my best friends. Both of them knew this was opening night and that this was important to me. Neither of them were there to cheer me on. It hurt a lot and i burst into tears in my bathroom a minute ago. I feel like they don't care....
Sorry, this is the only place i can rant and no one will call me a crybaby or something mean.

Boyfriend Problems

Well, I'm having boyfriend problems. If you can even call him my 'boyfriend'. I've been dating this guy for about 3 months, and I'm alone in it. It is a completely one sided relationship. Outside of school, he doesn't talk to me. I hate it. He doesn't even compliment me. At the winter ball we went to together, were I felt like I looked like a princess, he didn't say anything about how I looked. Today, I said hi to him in the hall and he waved but didn't smile.
He doesn't know that I go to bed crying some nights because I feel worthless. I feel like he doesn't care. When I was going through a ton of crap in my life, where he only knew a bit of it, he didn't care. I told him my aunt freaking died and he said he's sorry and changed the subject. I didn't even get a hug, which is what I needed. I'm so close to being done. I hide every emotion from him now, scared that he'll see the side of me that's breaking and will still not care. He doesn't know I'm always on edge. I feel worthless when with him. I get he's not romantic, but does it kill him to compliment me?! Just say I look nice or something! Now, I am not trying to fish for compliments, but I'm a girl. I like being told time to time I look nice. I have a very low self esteem, which no one knows about.
I'm so close to just ending the relationship. Give up the 3 years I've been crushing on him. I just want to feel happy again....
I just want a hug, is that to much to ask?

Suffer in Silence Type of Girl

The past few weeks of my life have been full of tears. My Aunt Karen had ovarian cancer, and wasn't doing well. All last week, I was a mess. In school, I would fake a smile, rarely showing how much I was hurting inside. I'm very sensitive and I cry easily. I never cry in front of others though. I just don't. I try so hard not to cry in front of my family for big things. Sure, I'll cry in front of them while I'm reading a book or watching a movie, but for problems like this? Never.
The other day, I tried telling my best friend Jackie what was going on in my life, and I just lost it. Thankfully, the only people who noticed my tears were her and my other friend Jaylin. They gave me huge hugs and shielded me from the crowd of people who were in the same room. It was before school started that day, and it just made me feel small and fragile all day. Even worse, it was my boyfriends birthday and I had to fake a smile for him, not wanting him to see me cry.
Only 4 people knew what was going on in my family and how it was affecting me. Now, everyone knows because I posted it on facebook. Something short and simple, because I knew if I posted more, I would start to cry while sitting with my laptop.
"Rest in Peace Aunt Karen. She was such an amazing women, and I will miss her always. ♥♥"
That's right. My Aunt Karen lost her battle to cancer on Friday, December 21. That day seemed to be a day full of hurt for me.
I woke up at 1 a.m. that morning to find out I had no school, which most kids would be happy about. Not any student in my school was, because it was cancelled because one stupid kid threatened to bomb the school and randomly kill students. If he wasn't reported and school cancelled, my best friend who was in that kids social studies class could've been killed. I am thanking God that he was reported, because I wouldn't be able to handle losing my aunt and best friend. Then, at 8 a.m. I learned that my aunt died. It crushed me. I cried for a bit, but then I knew I had to be brave for my little sisters. I held myself together until I got to the bathroom, then I broke again. That day was the day I was so glad for Jackie, my best friend. Her and I went out for lunch and just talked and laughed and she helped take my mind off everything. Then, we made cookies and watched Avengers, laughing more at our cooking. Then, she went home and I went to my grand-parents house. My mom-mom is the sister of my Aunt Karen, so it hit her hard. She hugged me for a good 5 minutes and made me start to cry. The rest of the family came over and it was so hard to be strong in front of them. Thankfully, I got to leave there early and go to a small holiday party, which held my mind off of everything.
Now, Christmas is approaching and I am trying so hard to be strong and not cry, but sometimes I just excuse myself to the restroom when I'm with my family and just cry. I refuse to cry in front of them anymore. I must be strong for my sisters, because if I cry so will they. I will be strong. I'm the suffer in silence type of girl, and I guess I will always be that way.

Sadness Sucks

So, remember how I said in an earlier post about a 'secret admirer' who I thought was my one guy friends who asked me out a few weeks ago? Well, it turns out it wasn't him. It was two of my best friends pranking me. They thought it was so funny. I was/ still am really mad. I know it sounds like I'm overreacting, but it's true. Those letters gave me bad anxiety, worse then usual. Everyday I would go to my locker, scared I would get another letter. I hate having to hurt people, so I thought I would have to hurt the mystery man and say I will never love him. I went to bed crying at nights. Also, I was scared it would ruin my first relationship by making him mad. It really hurt me, and they all think it's funny. Also, I thought that, even though I kinda didn't want it to be true, I was kinda happy that someone actually loved me. I should've known no one loves a girl like me... But I would never tell any of my friends these things. I tell them that it's fine and that I'm not mad, when inside I'm crying and screaming. I'm the suffer in silence type girl... I just wish they could see how much it hurt....
Sorry for the sulking, I just needed to vent...

Review: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Well, time for my first review! :D
*Warning* Spoiler below!
Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
I saw this movie the other day with my two friends Alli and Jaylin. The movie started off right where the last one left off, with the newly turned Bella Swan opening her blood red eyes. From there, I knew the movie was going to be amazing. The beginning was kind of slow, not bad, but slow. It wasn't until it was time for the battle that I was on the edge of my seat. I already heard some rumors about what was going to happen, but I didn't think it would be this much! Alice's vision was horrible! Carlisle, Seth, Leah, Jasper! All dead! I cried once Carlisle died, because he was always one of my favorites. But when Jane and Aro were killed, my two friends and I all got everyone in the theater to clap! But the whole time the 'battle' was happening, we were screaming curse words and flipping off the screen. After that, the movie was pretty much over, but not for me. I stayed for the credits and cried again! They showed a credit for everyone that was in a Twilight movie! That means James, Victoria (both of them), Laurent, Renee, etc. It brought back so many memories from seeing all these movies and spending the last 3 years with these characters. Finally, when they did the ending credits for Jacob, Edward, and Bella, I was dead. I walked out of the theater crying, mascara in a path down my face.
All in all, the movie got a Kaitlyn 5 out of 5 stars! No complaints at all!
Comment something else for me to review! :D
Love,
Kaitlyn

School

Don't you love those classes in school where you can do whatever the hell you want? I do. At the moment I'm writing the second chapter to my story Sweet Insanity, reading The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling (The Queen), and blogging. So far, my day has been good. Had a test, watched two movies (one in French and one in Acting), and now I technicaly get a study hall during science! And, I am makinh plans to go out with my friends tonight to celebrate my friend getting her cast off! Let's see if this good day lasts...
Love,
Kaitlyn

My Life Has Turned Into A High School Movie

I've been in high school for about 3 months, and for the most part, it has been good. Last week was the best week of my life. I've known since middle school that in the high school, their is a dance called the Winter Ball, which is the only dance the freshman and sophomores get to go to. I was always dreaming about who I would take with me to the ball, and one face that would pop into my mind is a guy who was my best guy friend who I've known since 4th grade, Justin. Two weeks ago, I was freaking out all week, wondering how to ask him to the ball and chickened out each time I thought I got the courage to ask him.
 Finally, my friend intervened on Monday of last week, and did it for me. Thankfully, he said yes. We've been dating since then. All my friends know and love to tease me about it. My parents, however, don't know. I am scared to tell them, since I am their little girl and this is my first boyfriend. Hopefully soon I will gain the courage to tell them.
But then, my life decided to go to hell and turn into a cheesy high school chick flick. I opened my locked on Friday and a folded up piece of paper fell to the ground. Opening it, I thought maybe a friend wrote me a note, or my boyfriend did something romantic for once and wrote me a silly note. Sadly, it was none. It was a note from a secret admirer saying that they have loved me for 2 years and will write me every Thursday to try and make me fall in love with them.
First off, how stupid is that! How can I fall in love with a person I don't even know the identity off?! Second, I have a boyfriend! I showed him the note and he was not happy. He tried to hide it, but I could see in the way his face dropped when he read the note that he was not happy.
I would have been a bit more okay with it if I did not already have an idea of who the Secret Admirer ( who I shall now just state as SA) was. No, I can tell it is a friend of mine who I have known for just about 2 years. You may think that I am being stupid by just assuming it is him, but I know. He asked me out a few weeks prior to the note and I kindly rejected him because I didn't like him in that way and I had a crush on my current boyfriend. Also, it is obvious that my SA is my other guy friend, who I shall just call M, because since the day I got the note, he hasn't spoken to me. At all. Not in the class where he is my only friend, not in the hall where he usually stops by my locker to annoy me. Nothing.
It was worse when I opened my locker today and saw another note. In the note it said that the SA's name started with an 'S', but with my amazing detective skills, I could see that the 'S' was fresher then the rest of the words and beneath the 'S' was the letter 'M'.
It is making me angry, because if it is the person I suspect it to be, then he knows I have a boyfriend and that he makes me really happy. Doesn't he realize that this is really upsetting me at the thought of having to hurt him by saying I don't like him that way and I never will.
It just really hurts and none of my friends understand, they all think it's sweet when it makes me want to cry.
It is a good thing I started this blog, or I might've exploded from keeping this inside me. I'll keep this blog updated on the status of my SA and the notes.
Love,
Kaitlyn